miedo número dos 3/3

“Young alienation, disappointment and heartache is all a part of the first real growing up that we do.” -Judd Nelson

Alas, the third installment of my expression of the fear of disappointment. In this nailbiting edition, I will discuss the disappointments I fear my family and myself will encounter…because of myself. Deep, right? Yeah totally.

Okay, so I am currently a freshman in college. A.K.A. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I’ve changed my mind on so many different possible majors and outcomes with a career. Although, for the most part, mis padres have been extremely supportive of my constant changes and indecision. I’m struggling with the thoughts of possibly letting them down in what I eventually choose. Even with the fact that I could possibly never choose a suitable job- for I don’t want to decide on a career just because it could be easier than other options I consider.

Disappointing my family in that aspect is remarkably terrifying to me. I want them to be proud of me and my educational outcomes that I was able to accomplish.

Mi perro está muy bonita y precioso. I mean, just look at that face.

Mi perro está muy bonita y precioso. I mean, just look at that face.

For the last section- the fear of disappointing myself- should probably be the most important to me. Sometimes I think I shouldn’t care so much about disappointing other people in my life if it takes a toll on myself. I found out after many years, that disappointing those people that I love or who have constantly helped me in my life is what makes me disappointed in myself. Letting others down, lets myself down. In a way I guess that this portion is kind of a healthy fear to obtain because it makes me avoid or simply work harder to prevent disappointment to happen in any aspect of my life.

In saying this is sort of a healthy fear, it reveals to me that disappointing yourself can be one of the most harmful kinds of disappointment….which is kind of terrifying. Ugh. Why am I also so maltido paradoxical?

Gracias por leyendo mi blog. Ustedes bonitas personas y te amo. ¡Buenas tardes todas!


miedo número dos 2/3

“Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead.” -Les Brown

The second edition of my second fear- disappointment- is fully underway. In this exciting new post about my random fears, I bring to you…drum roll por favor… the fear of disappointing my family and my friends! Yay!

Okay, so in a different kind of disappointment than the disappointment of my professors and bosses- a more broad spectrum- I constantly fear disappointing my friends and/or close family members.

When it comes to friends, I had a lot of good friends in high school. However, the transition into college hasn’t been so rewarding when it comes to meeting new people and creating new connections. I just feel awkward about it. (Go figure- what don’t I feel awkward about am I right?) Therefore, I tend to keep in touch with plenty of my friends from my previous educational experience. I realized that I was only friends with some people in high school because I saw them everyday. We didn’t have any real connections. So, I didn’t really keep in close touch with those individuals- little contact, if any at all.

Even though I had an epiphany that we weren’t really friends (or we had a friendship in which I wanted to escape or move on from), I still feel that I could potentially disappoint them. What? Disappoint people who you don’t necessarily talk to or even want to be friends with? Sí. No sé por qué.

Which brings me to my current friends I have now. If they come to me with a problem, it’s honestly extremely nerve-racking sending advice their way. If it is a serious issue, I feel fear and anxiety about giving them advice or my thoughts on the matter. I’m afraid to offend them or if they take that advice I present them with on a silver platter, just unconsciously waiting for the unknown destruction to occur, that I’ll disappoint them and/or their expectations all because of some advice that I gave them.

It’s kind of strange to think about. Because even though I feel this way about my relationship with them, I still go to them for help and advice. Blindly. Not really expecting their advice to fail. And if it does, they don’t disappoint me. Not in any sense of the word. So why I feel this way about it, I’m not really sure…

Please enjoy this picture of mi perro. Just look at that sass.

Please enjoy this picture of mi perro. Just look at that sass.

I know I haven’t mentioned this aspect of my life yet, but my family and I have a difference in religious views. Now, only one of them (my brother) knows anything about this. He’s the only one I’ve ever expressed this to because I know he won’t be disappointed. He won’t be disappointed that we don’t necessarily believe in the same thing as each other. And you know what? He doesn’t look at me or treat me any differently.

Unfortunately, if the rest of my family found out, most would be extremely disappointed in me. I’m not going to openly pretend I’m someone I’m not just to get approval from people who would judge me if I thought otherwise. In saying that though, there’s no way I could openly believe what I believe without them interrogating me about it. Being annoyed. Being upset. Being disappointed.

On that note, I’ll leave you there with part two and hopefully post part three soon.

Gracias por su atención. Ustedes bonitas personas. ¡Buenas noches!