God is (not) Dead

Okay so I just got done watching God is Not Dead.

Just to say, I think the plot of the story is both really well written and well executed.

For those of you who haven’t seen this movie yet, I’ll explain a little about what I’ll be talking about. So this extremely atheistic professor requires all his student to write “God is dead” on a paper, sign it, and to give to him. One student stands up to him, which infuriates the professor, saying he believes in God and that he won’t write that down. Long story short the professor makes him give presentations to his classmates to try to prove God exists.

Josh, the student, starts out by saying he does this because God wants him too, and because he thinks people should have a choice in their religion. That’s actually really great. I fully believe anyone can believe whatever they want.

It just annoys me because the movie portrays the Atheists in the movie as awful, disgusting, judgmental people SOLELY BECAUSE THEY ARE ATHEISTS. However, every single character that is a Christian are the best people who have morals, don’t judge others, and always do the right thing. It just annoys me, as a fellow Atheist, that they portray that ALL atheists are bad people. People who are automatically negatively connotated and viewed because of movies like this is portrayed in society. I am an Atheist who has morals and I’m not a bad person because of my beliefs….or lack of beliefs.

If, based on what the golden student has presented to the class, that people truly can have their own opinions, own beliefs, and own choices when it comes to religion, shouldn’t that carry over to the rest of the plot? That just because you’re a Christian it doesn’t mean you’re a good person, and just because you’re an Atheist it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. I know mean people who practice Christianity and nice people who are religion free. If they really want you to have your own choice on the matter why in the world would they favor one over the other? Why would they so blatantly express that Atheism is far worse than anything else you can be in this world solely because it means you don’t believe in a God? I’m unsure if the creators of this movie intended it to look this way because maybe they themselves are Christian or they were trying to capture the view that society has on Atheists.

I liked the layout of the story and the overlapping relationships between the characters, but I am still not able to comprehend the goal they were looking for. If it was that Christianity rules all they certainly got it right on the money. Maybe I am taking this a little bit extreme, but the professor and the lover of a woman with cancer were both Atheists in this movie. They made them people who couldn’t feel, couldn’t hold emotion, not able to care or love or respect others, made them not have any morals. This honestly bothered me a little bit because I’m an Atheist and I have morals. I care- a little too much sometimes. I have emotions- and I express them too much at times. I love, care, and respect people around me- too much. And I’m an Atheist.

Now, there was one situation where the bad person wasn’t an atheist, but a Muslim. He kicked his own daughter out of the house because she wanted to follow Jesus. Why was everyone who wasn’t a Christian portrayed as a horrible person? That’s what I don’t understand. I do understand though, that they need to show the negative effects of religion in certain aspects… but why didn’t they show any negative results from Christianity? Just saying.

This is very much my views about this whole subject.

I hope that this just opens people’s eyes that religion doesn’t define the stereotype of who you are and who you want to become. I’m sure people will despise me after I tell them I’m an Atheist. I’m sure of it. But that doesn’t make me the bad person. You can have morals without following The Bible. You can be a good person without following Judaism. You can even do yoga without being Buddhist. You just do you. I love people who are Christian. I love people who are Atheist. I love people for people and NOT their religion. I only ask that you don’t base your opinions on someone because of their religion, you base your opinions on someone by how much love, respect, kindness, and hope is filled in their hearts.

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miedo número tres: Insignificance

“Almost everything you do will seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it.” -Mahatma Gandhi

Please tell me I’m not the only one with a fear of, yet intriguing desire to understand, insignificance…..Please.

Our universe is virtually infinite. That means what we are doing on planet Earth is virtually insignificant to the existence of the universe. So, what’s the point?

I find myself already thousands of dollars in debt to be handed a piece of parchment that I will hand in for exchange for a job I will probably end up despising and just wishing to retire. What’s the point of that? Especially if it’s not something I necessarily want to do. Every single thing we do on this planet is insignificant to the universe.

That’s devastatingly terrifying and disappointing.

However (Wait- she has a positive to this blog post for once!?), the things we do are significant to us as a human species, if not contributing to the millions upon millions of galaxies out there. We study space knowing in our life span we will not know its entirety. We discover as much as we can and pass it along for the next young minds to pick it up, dust it off, and continue without skipping a beat.

We do things now, so that they will one day become significant to the universe, but also to give our lives meaning and purpose now. Life truly is short and once we realize “we’re not magnificent” (quote from Bon Iver’s Holocene) we begin to understand that we’re part of a whole. Part of a larger understanding. Part of something much much bigger than ourselves. Bigger than we will ever be, ever aspire to be, and ever imagine to be. For some reason, “at once I knew I was not magnificent” and I understood my existence is so minuscule compared to the world, I began to fully interpret my fate- my inescapable doom. It makes me fear death just a tiny tiny bit less (Woah- what?). I think that’s true because this idea makes me, somehow, appreciate life in every way.

It sounds extremely contradicting, I know. But maybe I feel stronger knowing and realizing my insignificance because I know it doesn’t truly matter unless it works out. Unless I want it to.

Just because we’re insignificant to the universe at this very moment in time, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do anything significant at all.

miedo número dos 3/3

“Young alienation, disappointment and heartache is all a part of the first real growing up that we do.” -Judd Nelson

Alas, the third installment of my expression of the fear of disappointment. In this nailbiting edition, I will discuss the disappointments I fear my family and myself will encounter…because of myself. Deep, right? Yeah totally.

Okay, so I am currently a freshman in college. A.K.A. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I’ve changed my mind on so many different possible majors and outcomes with a career. Although, for the most part, mis padres have been extremely supportive of my constant changes and indecision. I’m struggling with the thoughts of possibly letting them down in what I eventually choose. Even with the fact that I could possibly never choose a suitable job- for I don’t want to decide on a career just because it could be easier than other options I consider.

Disappointing my family in that aspect is remarkably terrifying to me. I want them to be proud of me and my educational outcomes that I was able to accomplish.

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Mi perro está muy bonita y precioso. I mean, just look at that face.

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For the last section- the fear of disappointing myself- should probably be the most important to me. Sometimes I think I shouldn’t care so much about disappointing other people in my life if it takes a toll on myself. I found out after many years, that disappointing those people that I love or who have constantly helped me in my life is what makes me disappointed in myself. Letting others down, lets myself down. In a way I guess that this portion is kind of a healthy fear to obtain because it makes me avoid or simply work harder to prevent disappointment to happen in any aspect of my life.

In saying this is sort of a healthy fear, it reveals to me that disappointing yourself can be one of the most harmful kinds of disappointment….which is kind of terrifying. Ugh. Why am I also so maltido paradoxical?

Gracias por leyendo mi blog. Ustedes bonitas personas y te amo. ¡Buenas tardes todas!

miedo número dos 2/3

“Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead.” -Les Brown

The second edition of my second fear- disappointment- is fully underway. In this exciting new post about my random fears, I bring to you…drum roll por favor… the fear of disappointing my family and my friends! Yay!

Okay, so in a different kind of disappointment than the disappointment of my professors and bosses- a more broad spectrum- I constantly fear disappointing my friends and/or close family members.

When it comes to friends, I had a lot of good friends in high school. However, the transition into college hasn’t been so rewarding when it comes to meeting new people and creating new connections. I just feel awkward about it. (Go figure- what don’t I feel awkward about am I right?) Therefore, I tend to keep in touch with plenty of my friends from my previous educational experience. I realized that I was only friends with some people in high school because I saw them everyday. We didn’t have any real connections. So, I didn’t really keep in close touch with those individuals- little contact, if any at all.

Even though I had an epiphany that we weren’t really friends (or we had a friendship in which I wanted to escape or move on from), I still feel that I could potentially disappoint them. What? Disappoint people who you don’t necessarily talk to or even want to be friends with? Sí. No sé por qué.

Which brings me to my current friends I have now. If they come to me with a problem, it’s honestly extremely nerve-racking sending advice their way. If it is a serious issue, I feel fear and anxiety about giving them advice or my thoughts on the matter. I’m afraid to offend them or if they take that advice I present them with on a silver platter, just unconsciously waiting for the unknown destruction to occur, that I’ll disappoint them and/or their expectations all because of some advice that I gave them.

It’s kind of strange to think about. Because even though I feel this way about my relationship with them, I still go to them for help and advice. Blindly. Not really expecting their advice to fail. And if it does, they don’t disappoint me. Not in any sense of the word. So why I feel this way about it, I’m not really sure…

Please enjoy this picture of mi perro. Just look at that sass.

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I know I haven’t mentioned this aspect of my life yet, but my family and I have a difference in religious views. Now, only one of them (my brother) knows anything about this. He’s the only one I’ve ever expressed this to because I know he won’t be disappointed. He won’t be disappointed that we don’t necessarily believe in the same thing as each other. And you know what? He doesn’t look at me or treat me any differently.

Unfortunately, if the rest of my family found out, most would be extremely disappointed in me. I’m not going to openly pretend I’m someone I’m not just to get approval from people who would judge me if I thought otherwise. In saying that though, there’s no way I could openly believe what I believe without them interrogating me about it. Being annoyed. Being upset. Being disappointed.

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On that note, I’ll leave you there with part two and hopefully post part three soon.

Gracias por su atención. Ustedes bonitas personas. ¡Buenas noches!

miedo número dos 1/3

Mi número dos es el miedo a ser una decepción.

“The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes.” -Thomas Hardy

Being a disappointment is another fear I’ve carried with me for some time now. Whether it is a fear of disappointing my bosses, my professors, my family, my friends, my parents, or myself. Who doesn’t have that aching, nagging fear biting at your conscience every now and again? Just me? Okay. That’s okay you don’t have to tell me. But, hopefully my concerns or explanations can help you in some way shape or form.

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Nice random view of my backyard feat. my dog. Por favor, disfrutar. Honestly I’m just trying to make this look less boring of a post and hopefully  bring light to this random heavy material I throw at you guys.

One thing I’ve really noticed- today especially- is that at work (I’m doing a federal work study in a children’s library downtown) really challenges me to dig into my creative portion of my brain…into what little part of my brain that is! Anyways, I’ve never worked in a library before, let alone an elite, advanced children’s library like this one. My bosses know this, so I’m in understanding that they probably don’t expect a lot of state-of-the-art ideas right off the bat…considering I’m not even sure where the bathroom is. I’ve honestly just been too anxious to ask- lucky I have a bladder of steel!

But anywho, one of my first projects that I was assigned was to create a flyer that held information about some of the upcoming programs I’ll be starting come March. I’ve never done that before- create a flyer. So of course, it was too cluttered and held too much information, etc., etc., etc. After a few tries on my part, the women I work with were so nice to help teach me how an effective flyer should look like and how to clarify the information. They were extremely nice and supportive of my ideas and helped me incorporate my ideas into a design that worked.

Before I came up with the finished project, I was afraid I was disappointing them with my past fliers. Now, they didn’t show they were disappointed or frustrated at all. In fact, I knew they weren’t. But still, once i left work on those days I felt glum about the fact of potentially disappointing them.

My second project was to layout a schedule of what we would do each week in these programs. I researched for weeks about different activities and felt that I put together a very detailed, do-able list. Today they reviewed it and loved my ideas. They seemed just as excited as I was- after I found out they really enjoyed my list that is! I left work today feeling on top of the world. I felt strong, powerful, healthy, intelligent, and proud that they liked my work. If they would’ve felt differently about my ideas, it would have been the complete opposite.

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Second on the list: my professors. I’ve always liked my educators for the most part and really cared about how they felt about me and my work. A lot of my classes are lecture style with a few hundred students, pero mi clase de español is about twenty students. Mi profesora is such a wonderful teacher and she really cares about how we do.

Except this results in me being afraid that I could let her down if I don’t score as well as I should when taking tests. I become overwhelmed about possibly letting her down and disappointing her with my work that I feel like it weighs me down and stresses me out during exams. I find myself being more proud when I do well on a test not because it will really help my grade, but because I won’t let mi profesora down. In this class at least.

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It’s odd and ironic because I base my mood off of how other people perceive my abilities and how proud they are of me. I feed off of it in a way. Like work- I am in an exceptional mood when they believe I did a good days work. I base how I do something off of how others view it which is a dangerous fear to have and a harmful trap to fall into. It’s strange because it’s almost as if I don’t trust my own viewpoints and need clarification from an outside source.

Regardless that this seems like a complicated scenario, I believe that this will be an easier fear to overcome with time and effort than with the fear of death. That one is just dark as infierno.

Stay tuned for parts dos y tres about this random, extensive fear that I need to get off my chest.

Muchas gracias ustedes bonitas personas. Ustedes son maravillosos.

miedo número uno

Mi número uno es el miedo es la muerte.

“When people think you’re dying they really really listen to you. Instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.” -Fight Club

The fear of death has, in my younger years, never affected be as frequently as it does at this point in my life. It’s such an extreme paradox because fearing death in return makes me fear life. Living. Trying new experiences. Worrying about the future. Wondering what my future holds. Wondering how I will die eventually.

I keep telling myself it’s just one of those things that, when it happens, I won’t fear it. That I’ll unexplainably be ready for it. It’s like getting a solo in a band concert- you stress and stress and stress over it and try to perfect it best you can. But you’re not ready for it. You’re not prepared for the sensation it will control you with. Until you face the fear and anxiety of it and actually play it. In that very moment, all seems fine. Once you spit out one note (whether it’s right or not is something completely different) you’re not afraid anymore.

I feel like in a strange, distant way that this is how the sensation of death is (Unfortunately without the part of preparing and knowing when it will occur). But in any case, it’s similar because if you go about trying to perfect your life and stressing over what will come of you in the end or how you will die and when you will die, you miss out on the things happening around you. Life. This is how I attempt to get over the fear of dying. Live your life right and you won’t mind dying.

That’s too deep. I swear I’m not usually this bleak and daunting it was just something I needed to throw out there.

Lo siento pero yo necesitaba hablar acerca mi miedo.

Buenas noches ustedes bonitas personas.

gotta start somewhere

¡Hola ustedes bonitas personas!

If anyone is reading this, I’m new to the blogging world so I’m not sure if a lot of people do the usual specific, themed blog thing. But for me this will just be me expressing my thoughts or just anything I find interesting about society, people, concepts, food… pretty much anything.

Who doesn’t want to read about a 19 year old girl’s journey of discovering herself and finding out about the world?

Yeah, me either.

If you’re even still reading, I hope that you’ll not base my entire blog off of this one awkward, de mierda first post and read some more of my stuff. If you do, I’m proud that you don’t judge by my dismal attempt of beginning a blog. You’re rad. At least read some of my posts before forming a negative opinion.

Soy la mujer con miedo y quiero superar mis miedos.

Here’s to finding ourselves in this world.